My Mom Tells Me That I'm a Catch

I Went to the Gym Yesterday and Wore Pajamas

I haven’t stepped inside a gym since freshman year of college when I would spend 20 minutes on an elliptical and sit on a mat for another ten. I couldn’t even spell the word ‘elliptical’ just now- I relied on autocorrect. I’m a sham.

My CEO’s receptionist even asked why I was wearing pajamas in the office at the end of the day. Let’s be clear, I wasn’t fooling anyone. I spent 10 minutes of the 15 minute walk trying to figure out how I could get out of my promise to go with my coworker.

Honestly, though, for how much I whined, and how miserable I look in my photo, and how loudly I groaned at the Blink Gym employee who welcomed me, I felt better afterward. I even walked 14 blocks home when I got back to Hoboken and got a protein smoothie.

Today I ate 7 chicken nuggets, a dump of mac n’cheese, and gnawed on chips, though, so- two steps forward, one step back.

Oh, did I tell you I moved to Hoboken? And got promoted? And basically got my shit together? And am turning 27 soon?

Maybe another time.

I don’t often spend more than $10 or $12 on beauty products (Momma didn’t raise no fool), but there are two I use that are worth the money, hands down.

The first is They’re Real Mascara by Benefit. I love love love this mascara. I love mascara in general, and usually have about four different kinds on hand, but this is the best I’ve ever used. I’m always in search of the false eyelash look, and considering I’m too terrified to put glue anywhere near my eyeball (can you imagine?), this is a nice alternative. Plus, it deters me from curling my lashes, which, until recently, was a favorite pastime- albeit, a slightly dangerous one that cost me a few precious lashes.

The second beauty product I can always justify dolling out the dough for is perfume. I’ve had long standing love affairs with different kinds over the years, but none have ever “stuck” to become “my scent.” Now, I think I’ve finally found one: Oscar de la Renta’s Live to Love. It’s a nice mix of musk and floral, the bottle is super pretty, and even though it’ll cost a pretty penny, the scent lasts. It’s the kind of perfume that’s not overpowering, but perfect for nice occasions, or even just an everyday smell. The trick is finding it in stores. So far, I’ve only ever been able to track it down in Lord & Taylor.

So there you have it- the only two beauty products I’m willing to spend money on, perfume and mascara. Fake it till you make it.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m a mess at being a twentysomething woman because I don’t know what shallots are and refuse to spend $120 on a shirt at Madewell because, Jesus, that’s a lot of money for a piece of fabric. And then I think that there must be people out there who must shop at DSW with $10 coupons just about as much as I do, and even Jennifer Lawrence probably doesn’t know what a shallot is (but she’d want me to eat one because SCREW SOCIETAL PRESSURES!), and I feel better.

And if anything else gets me down, I remember that people like Kanye West exist and it’s not possible to approach life nearly as wretched as he does every single day.

So there you have it. I don’t know what shallots are - but J. Law probably wants me to eat them- and I tackle life more like Macklemore than Kanye West.

This post went in circles.

Don’t put any of this on my tombstone.

What matters more- the music, or the lyrics?

5 Songs For My Friend @LauraBedrossian

My friend at work, Laura, loves 80’s music- and historical trivia.

Watching her most recent choices on Spotify seriously brings me so much entertainment because she’ll listen to some quintessential track from 1985, followed swiftly by Beethoven. So this post is dedicated to you, Laura.

5 songs that you should listen to now.

Right now.

I really mean it.

Just trust me.

  1. Haerts- Wings
  2. Twin Shadow- 5 Seconds
  3. St. Lucia- All Eyes on You (actually, anything by St. Lucia)
  4. Betty Who- Somebody Loves You
  5. Editors- A Ton of Love

Every day, I see the same twenty-something guy walking west toward MSG as I walk east to my office on Park Avenue. We usually intersect at the same street corner like clockwork- never on the way home, we’re destined to see each other only every morning. I have seen this same person steadily for about a year, only missing him when I take the later train from NJ at 7:42,  rather than 7:31. Otherwise, it’s a pretty reliable system.

Of course, I’ve had a lot of time to imagine what he does, what he’s like, etc. over the months I’ve encountered him, and this is what I’ve dreamt up: I’m pretty sure he has a girlfriend. No one can be that attractive and put together without some steady love interest. Plus, he usually wears a grey peacoat- that just screams attached Murray Hill highrise to me. I like to think he has a good personality, although I don’t think he’s a fan of NY sports team. Something about him tells me he’s ”not from around here” (I’m going with Wisconsin). I imagine he works in advertising/sales/finance. Those are also fairly large fields, with a fairly flexible definition, so I’m pushing it here. I realize that. He’s not a smoker.

I’m not a stranger (no pun intended) to developing a) a routine b) fictional internal storylines c) emotional attachments, but I must say that this particular gent is a comforting constant for reasons unknown. I know I sound like a stalker creep insane all three? but honestly, it’s become a point of distinction every morning on my otherwise mundane commute. And when he does something new, I’m tempted each time to react like an old friend who heard a new story of his for the first time.

For example, he started skateboarding this summer down the street on his way to work and I swear to God, I almost stopped him to say- “When did you pick this up?!” and “PUT ON A HELMET FOR THE LOVE OF PETE, THE YELLOW ONES DON’T STOP!”

Last week when it was raining, he was wearing quite possibly the dorkiest bright red Land’s End jacket I have ever seen and I almost made a crack at him.

But he was dry, and I was running toward cover- which begs the question, what can he possibly think of me?

Last night, I saw the electronic version of Earth, Wind & Fire led by a British Flo-Rida. Why you’ll soon know @RudimentalUK (above). It was easily one of the best live shows I’ve ever been to, hands down. No need for an intricate set on a large stage (although Muse’s design was brilliant in concert at MSG), and they had energy to spare for everyone in the room (feel free to give some to my favorite boys, Kings of Leon). EDM, funk, rap, R&B- you’re guaranteed to dance. They’re huge overseas, but I’m sure it won’t be long before they’re tearing up the festival grounds in the states. My advice- download “Feel the Love,” “Not Giving In,” and “Free.” ON BLAST.